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Market Humor

This category contains 20 posts

Friday Humor: Advice for your Swing

For the holiday weekend some prudent advice on the golf swing:       Request: Introductory Phone Call With Barnhart Investment Advisory Visit: Barnhart Investment Advisory Website  

Friday Humor: To A Long and Healthy Retirement

A long-time retired, elderly couple were married for over sixty years. Although the man and women were not poor, they were far from being rich. They managed to get comfortably by skimping and watching their pennies. The elderly man and women were both in excellent health for their age, mainly because of the wife’s insistence … Continue reading

Friday Humor: Can I Get a Day Off?

An employee goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” “We’re short-handed,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.” “Thanks, boss,” says the … Continue reading

Friday Humor: Dilbert Worthy Quotes

  A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the top ten finalists: 1. “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive … Continue reading

Friday Humor: The Creative Accountant

  There once was an entrepreneur who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the candidate that could answer the question “how much is 2+2?” The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, “It lies between 3.98 and 4.02”. The mathematician said, … Continue reading

Friday Humor: New Business Opening

A new small business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”. The business owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of … Continue reading

Friday Humor: Looking for a Fourth?

Three unmarried men were waiting to tee off when the starter walked up to them and said, “You see that beautiful blonde practicing her putting?” “Her? Wow, she is beautiful,” they all said. “She’s a good golfer,” he continued, “and would like to hook up with a group. None of the other groups will play … Continue reading

Election 2016: Questions for the Candidates

Like many Americans I am bewildered by the 2016 edition of the Presidential bake-off.   So bewildered that last Tuesday as my fellow Illinoisans went to the polls I, for the first time I can recall, missed an election. I mean any election, as in local, primary, mayoral; I vote them all. I know this because … Continue reading

Friday Humor: Timing is Everything

The sales chief, the HR chief, and the boss of a company are on their way to lunch when they stumble upon a beat up, but valuable looking brass container. The sales chief picks it up and starts cleaning it with his handkerchief. Suddenly, a genie emerges out of a curtain of purple smoke. The … Continue reading

A Long Time Coming: 6 things that have happened since last fed rate hike

The Federal Reserve Open Market Committee is set to raise interest rates today, for the first time in nearly ten years. On June 29, 2006 the FOMC raised the target rate for fedral funds from 5.0 % to 5.25%.   At that point Ben Bernanke was but a mere puppy as Federal Reserve Chairman, just … Continue reading

Friday Humor: Saving for College

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education? As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the … Continue reading

Friday Humor: The Ultimate Retirement Plan

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied that … Continue reading

Friday Humor: Tee It Forward?

Tee It Forward? A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: “Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies’ tee box.” The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: “Will the … Continue reading

Thanks For the Help (Friday Humor)

A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a desert island with only a can of beans to eat and no way to open it. The physicist makes a suggestion: “I can calculate just the right angle, mass, and velocity of a projectile that will knock the top off the can.” “No!” the economist cries, … Continue reading

Does Anyone Know How to Work This Thing? (Friday Humor)

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing … Continue reading

Friday Humor: A Minister and a Stockbroker at the Pearly Gates

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?” The guy … Continue reading

Friday Humor: (The Onion) Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone at Neighborhood Bar How Screwed Up Economy Really Is

From the Onion: SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn’t afraid to let everyone in attendance know about “the real mess we’re in,” Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood’s Corner Tavern about how absolutely…..Excerpt from The Onion Very funny, but also very sad that there is more truth in this article … Continue reading

Friday Humor: The Economist and the Politician

 A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced his altitude and saw a man below. “Excuse me, but can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am,” he said. The man below replied: “You are in a … Continue reading

Humor: The Only Thing We Have to Fear…

A little Holiday/Friday humor from the Onion, perhaps my all time favorite. http://www.theonion.com/articles/mar-5-1933,10640/

George Carlin and “Quantitative Easing”

BIA Commentary and Opinion By Ted Barnhart Now that the printing presses have been  warmed up and the “Quantitative Easing II” ship is set to sail, I can’t help but  think of  the old George Carlin bit  “On  Euphemisms” where Carlin laments the use “of words that conceal the truth” and ponders  how the term … Continue reading

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